When Your Friends Write Fanfictions About You
by PyxWPI
Summary: GIR ends up in my house! How did he get there? We don't know, but we're about to get plunged into a major adventure to find out. chapter 6 up! Rating for mild sexual content and some controversial religious concepts.
1. Someone's at the Door

when your friends write fanfictions about you  
Chapter one- someone is at the door...  
  
By- Pyx:WPI and friend sid  
  
Now, I haven't written a fanfiction in a really long time, much less finished one. You see, I end up not liking the fic halfway through writing it, and blow off the rest of it. But, good news for me! I have just come up with the plot of an ingenious masterpeice, or what I think is one. This one you are reading now just happens to be comic relief from the other, which is full of angst, romance, and solutions to old problems! Can you wait? I don't think so! Pull up a snack and your cute little toy squirrel and fly off on my magical carpet of madness! I command you!  
Disclaimer: With the exception to possibly being sued, there is no reason for these horrible things. I shall say it once, so remember my words, write them down and hold them close to your heart when you sleep; I do not own Invader ZIM and company. Get it? Got it? Good.  
What are you doing still reading this nonsensical crap? If you don't want me to send my flying monkeys after you, you will start reading..... Now.  
/  
Pyxis sat at her desk, staring at the ten card spread she had just created with her infamous Tarot Cards. The future influence card of the celtic cross caught her eye.  
Pyx: Hmmmmm.... The Moon of the Major Arcana..... Something supernatural? Oooh....(she points to the last card, the outcome.) The Sun! That's a good sign! Well whatever happens in the future sure has a good effect on me! I like that!  
Suddenly Someone burst through her bedroom door. Pyx knew exactly who it was by their reflection in the window. She smiled and twisted in her seat to meet the person in a long black cloak's eye. They pulled the hem of the cloak up over their face so that only their narrowed blue eyes showed through the mass of black. The creature hissed.  
Pyx: Thou art welcome, Rea! Come and seat yourself at my table of mystery.  
Rea: (Drops the cloak and smiles her cute little kid smile) *Squeek*!  
Pyx: Why do you wanna act like a bat all the time, Racheal?  
Rea: (Aquires a mock angry look and flaps her cloak like wings) *Squeeeee-eee-eee-eek*!  
Pyx: (seems to understand her oddly squeeking little sister) Oh. Well stop it! It creeps me out the way you do that...(shudders)  
Rea: Awwwww. (sticks out her toungue at Pyx) You're stupid.  
Rea is saying this mainly to make Pyx mad but at the moment it's not working. Pyx knows her sister's awful little attempts to gain attention and she mentally tells herself not to get angry. Rea, however, doesn't stop there. She jumps across the room and thrashes around on top of Pyx's neatly made bed, making the creaseless blankets crinkle. Being a neat freak at the moment, she starts to go back on her vow to herself.  
Pyx: Rea! Get out of here! ARGGG! You are such a little pain! I-  
Just then, a sound out side the room caught both of their attention. Pyx didn't know what it was at first. Then it occured to her that the sound of splintering wood only came from the front door when it was forced open. Pyx glanced over at her digital clock. It was only 1:30, their mom shouldn't have been home yet. They started to hear an odd clicking sound, like a metal pole being tapped against their kitchen floor. Then the sound of their cabinet doors being forced open and even torn off, judging by the hinges sqeeking more than ever and then the clattering of the old peice of pine on the floor.  
Rea heaved herself up onto her hands in attempt to get up and investigate. Pyx held up a hand at the other side of the room to get her attention though.  
Pyx: (wispering) No, stay here. I'll go check it out.  
Pyx took a few deep breaths and snuck out into the hallway. She wasn't sure what she was going to do when she met the intruder but it was better than just sitting and doing nothing, waiting for the person in their house to find them. Pyx turned from the living room into the kitchen, and what met her eyes there was astonishing.  
Little did Pyx know that dispite Her warnings, Rea had followed her on her hands and knees to see what was going on. When Pyx gasped from shock at what she was seeing, Rea thought that her sister was in trouble. She jumped into the kitchen in front of Pyx and flung her arms out in a protective manner, taking on a rather intimidating stance for a 7-year-old, hoping that she could scare away whatever was daring to attack her big sister. But instead of scaring it away, she was tackled by it.  
It was a little metal child, about Rea's size, with a tiny little body and huge cyan saucer eyes. It grinned down at the little girl it had tackled and spoke in a high-pitched, squeaky voice.  
GIR: Are you a vampire? You look like a taco!  
Rea: No! If I was wrapped up in a blanket with my wings I'd look like a taco, no, actually, a burrito.  
Rea didn't seem at all shocked at the sight of GIR in their kitchen, but Pyx was standing there motionless with her mouth gaping, staring with absolute surprise and astonishment. She would have never even dreamed this could happen. This was incredible, and that wasn't even the half of it! Pyx knew the little robot from the show Invader ZIM, but was perplexed as to what he was doing here, in this dimensional plane of all places. What was he doing there? Most importantly, how did he get there?  
Rea was currently sharing a bag of Chex Mix with GIR. She popped some of the snack food into her mouth then grabbed a handful and offered it to the centenial being. He just stared at her hand for a moment and then in one swift motion encompassed it in his mouth sucking at it with all his might, so that Rea's arm became a noodle that got sucked up in the vacuum that was GIR's mouth.  
Rea:(her arm stuck in GIR's mouth up to the elbow now) O___O;;;  
GIR smacked his "lips" and released Rea's arm. With this sudden lack of pressure holding her at that spot, she tumbled to the other side of the kitchen, hitting the refidgerator door. She shook her head and then started laughing hysterically.  
Rea: (still laughing, and her voice wavering with every syllable) That... Was... Cool!  
GIR: Yum!(Starts laughing too)  
Pyx: (finally coming to her senses) That's enough!  
GIR: I love you! (runs to Rea and wraps his arms around her waist)  
Rea: I love you too GIR!  
GIR: I'm GIR...(confused and pointing to himself)  
Rea: Yup! ^.^  
Pyx: (kneeling down to put herself at a level with the others) GIR, where'd you come from?  
GIR: I came from the garbage! (spooky moment of insight)  
Pyx was surprised at this too, but she pressed on with her interogation.  
Pyx: GIR, I need to know how you got here...  
GIR: I wanted ta fly like the sqirrels I saw on TV, So I flew with my fire-legs and hit a wall!  
Pyx: (Nodding) Uh-huh, and then what happened?  
GIR: (straining his "mind" to remember what happened next, then pointing to the sky as if to say "Eureka!") I found a shiney door on the wall and opened it up to see what was inside! There was alotta trees and bunnies! I chased-ed those bunnies cause I wanted them to play tag with me. I was it. Then I caught one and I tell it that it was it now and it flew into a tree! N-  
This was a little more than Pyx or Rea wanted to know, and they were now just sitting there on the floor staring fixedly at GIR with wide eyes. They weren't sure if he was going to stop talking anytime soon, so with a quick glance and a nod Pyx interupted GIR's explanation.  
Pyx: Could you tell us where the shiney door is GIR?  
GIR: (suddenly noticing that ZIM isn't with him) Where's master? Where's the master? What happened to Master?(looking around in confusion and discontent)  
Pyx: (thinking quickly about GIR's needs) We could help you find your master if you show us where the shiney door is. You know GIR the one you found.  
Rea: (nodding in agreement with Pyx) Yup, you need to tell us where the door is so we can get ya back home!  
GIR: The door was pretty! It was shiney!  
Pyx: Where is it, GIR?  
Rea: (wispering to Pyx) You know how he is on the show. He's not gonna show us where it is, cause nothing gets through with him.  
Pyx: (wispering back) All I have to do is respond to his childlike menality, Rea, Then he'll tell me.  
Rea: o_o?  
Pyx: (turning back to GIR) How would you like to get back home and get a big ice cream cone?  
GIR: I want a freezy!  
Pyx: I'll get you a freezy if you take us back to where you last saw you master. Maybe we'll be able to find him there, then you'll get your master and a freezy.  
GIR: Ham Freezy!  
Pyx: That's right.  
GIR: (thinks for a moment) KAY!  
Gir led them out the door (after slamming into it) and through the forest behind their house until they reached the national forest. Pyx glided behind him in a sort of daze and the course of events.  
Pyx: (In her mind) Maybe this is what my Tarot Cards predicted. Hmmm... I should have grabbed my tools before we left. of course I could possibly buy some more when we get there, but all the same, I find it irritating to have to cleanse and consecrate all new tools for spellcasting.  
They came up to a thick grove of trees that gave off a intresting wave of enery. Pyx shivered apon meeting the first tree of the grove, but GIR kept up his stride through the curtain of trees, however short it may have been, so Pyx and Rea followed him despite their feelings about it.  
At the very heart of the grove stood the tallest tree, and against it was a wonderfully multicolored door, shimmering in the little light there was. Rea was more amazed by this than by GIR breaking into her house and stood there staring at the magnificent door for the longest time along with everyone else.  
But no one dared to open it just yet....  
  
Greatness! Let me know if you like it! I got a million more surprises on the way. Will Pyx and Rea ever open the door? Will they get to meet the rest of the IZ characters? Will I ever shut my ever-motoring mouth? I'll give you the answer to that one: no. There's more coming, so please reveiw! Pyx: Witchy Paranormal Investigator 


	2. First Sid, Then Dib, Now Gaz

when your friends write fanfictions about you  
Chapter one- someone is at the door...  
  
By- Pyx:WPI and friend sid  
  
Well, hello my bestest friends. I think that wanna update now but before I do, I want to tell you that this story will shortly become an IZ/Harry Potter crossover. It's gonna be madness I tell you! So make sure you keep reading so you can catch the shocked witches and wizards and witches when they meet the great ZIIIIIIIIIIIM! Laterness!  
Disclaimer: It's actually a good thing that I don't own Invader Zim and company, because I'd be very confused as to where it came from, since I have no creative fire element for creating my own characters. I'm very glad that JCV owns IZ, otherwise I would have nothing to write about.  
For your sole enjoyment, I give you.... I guess, something to enjoy.... or something.... Hmmmm.  
/  
Pyx finally got the courage to open the door and peek inside. She thought that it was the most beautiful things she had ever seen, even though it might have been the most horrid sight ever devised. No, it was not my friend Mike in a thong, but it was pretty close.  
There were the average filthy streets doused with slime and muck from the various people that climbed up from the sewers and begged for rat- burgers. Then there were the shoppers, hurrying past the wierdos from the underworld of the city, sometimes getting pulled aside to hear their fortune from a completely worthless peice of crap who had nothing better to do. Also, there were various recognizable fancharacters walking around in circles, shouting out famous quotes from the stories they were spawned from, most of those being, " I love you DIB!" Last there was the little children licking up the slime on the sidewalks, but that's nothing.  
I'm sorry, did I say last? I meant second to last, because the last thing happened to be the last thing that Pyx was expecting to see.  
Pyx: SID! What are YOU doing here?  
Indeed it was Sid, Pyx's best friend and fellow fanfiction writer. She leaned against the nearest wall, looking onto the scene with apparent intrest until she heard her name. She turned around and waved at Pyx as if they met in alternate realities every day.  
Sid: Hey Pyx how ya doin'?  
Pyx: (obviously shocked) Fine I guess. (she walks into the world toward sid slowly, followed by Rea and GIR) What are you doing here?  
Sid: Well apparently, I accidently opened this portal while I was meditating, and now I just decided that I would stay here and see all I can see. (she gestures to the scenery and smiles widely)  
Rea: Hi SID! (she runs at sid and huggles her, how cute!)  
Sid: O.O-^.^ Hi Rea!  
Pyx: So, have you tried to find the IZ characters yet?  
Sid: Nope, I thought I 'd wait for something. That something turned out to be you, wierd huh?  
Pyx: Crazy! (laughs) ^-^  
Rea: We should go find Zim, cause GIR wants his master. (looks back at GIR who is now licking the ground like the few children around)  
Pyx: Good idea, Rea.  
Sid: Follow the yellow brick road!  
Pyx and Rea: o_o  
Sid: Sounded like a good thing to say at the time.  
Rea: Okay by me!  
Pyx: (picking up GIR and pointing down the road) LETS GO! WHOOHOO!  
Sid, Rea, and Pyx all skipped down the road toward the sunset and GIR jumped from Sid's to Pyx's head. This odd little group didn't get far without meeting someone they knew however, and it wasn't Zim.  
It was Dib, and he was walking toward them, but looking behind him as he did, a dangerous practice, but he thought that the something following him had to be more dangerous than what was in front of him. He collided with Rea before he could look in front of him. Since Rea was slightly shorter than him he made them both fall over backwards. He shook his head and looked on, seeing the girls and the robot still bouncing on their heads.  
Dib: Uh... Who are you? And what are you doing with Zim's retarded robot?(gets up and brushes himself off)  
Rea: (getting up too, spreading out her "wings" and trying to appear frightening) We're the demons from The Realm of Darkness!  
Dib: (narrows eyes) Really?  
Pyx: No, actually, I'm Pyx, This is my friend Sid and my sister Rea. We were on our way to find Zim.  
Dib: Why?  
Sid: We wanted to return his robot to him.  
Dib: You guys know that he's an alien right?  
Rea, Pyx and Sid: Yup. ^.^  
Dib: WOW! People who actually believe me! (does a sort of jig)  
Pyx: You mean that those fancharacters back there don't believe you?  
Dib: Fancharacters? What are those?  
Pyx: (pulls Sid aside and wispers to her) He doesn't know what fancharacters are?  
Sid: I don't know if he can access those characters until he's expected to, you know, when someone wants to write a fanfiction. Once those characters are no longer needed for the story, they're discarded and the maincharacters' minds are erased of the dilemma.  
Pyx: Oh, I get it.  
Dib: What are you talking about?  
Sid: About fancharacters and why you don't know they exist.  
Dib: Oh. (shrugs because he's got better things to worry about than silly conversations about fan-thingys)  
A new member in their group, they continueddown the street. They couldn't skip anymore because Dib said it freaked him out so they no longer had anything to distract them from GIR who was still jumping on their heads. Pyx had had just about enough and was about to yell at GIR when Dib stopped dead and pointed a little further down their trek.  
Dib: Gaz O_O  
Pyx: It is! Hey GAZ!  
Gaz: (walking over to them) How did you know my name?  
Sid: Dib said it.  
Gaz: (turning to Dib) You have friends?  
Dib: Apparently. (eyes Pyx, Sid and Rea) Are you my friends?  
Pyx: Yeah we are! 100 percent yeah!  
Sid and Rea: ^.^  
Dib: (excitedly) So you'll help me capture Zim?  
Sid: Don't go that far.  
Pyx: Yeah, you're on your own with that one.  
Rea: Our hands are tied by the system.  
Gaz and Dib: (look at each other) What system?  
Pyx: Aw, Rea says the cutest things! (kisses Rea's forehead)  
Rea: YAY! ^_^  
Gaz: (takes out GS2 and starts playing) You have some dumb friends Dib.  
Sid: (angry out of her mind) Hey these two might be dumb, but I am not stupid! (jabs her finger in Gaz's face, not a smart move)  
Gaz: (drops GS2 and starts to beat up Sid)  
Sid: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGH!  
Pyx: (to Dib) Shall we continue on?  
Dib: Don't you think we should wait for Sid?  
Pyx: That might take a millenium! I don't have that kind of time! (grabs Dib's hand and runs off in the direction they were going before they stopped)  
Rea: Hey wait for me!  
Rea ran after the two, catching up and holding Dib's other hand. Dib wasn't too happy about either of them holding his hand but at least he could be sure that he wouldn't be the next victim of Gaz's rage. Sid limped as fast as she could to catch up, Gaz's teeth latched onto her leg.  
  
And who said Gaz didn't play dirty? I gotta go now, but I'll make sure I update pretty soon, KAY? Bye! Pyx: Witchy Paranormal Investigator 


	3. Fighting is Fun

when your friends write fanfictions about you  
Chapter one- someone is at the door...  
  
By- Pyx:WPI and friend sid  
  
I wish I didn't have a million other things to do but, unfortunately, I have to write a persuasive speech, do ten section reviews in my Science book, do an annoying project for my math cass to prove that I've learned the material and write this next chapter! Well, good luck to me! I certainly hope that you're having a fun and LESURELY weekend! Well, Pyxie OUT!  
Disclaimer: Woo! I wish I could proclaim over the entire universe that I own Invader ZIM, but, alas, I haven't found a microphone big enough yet. Also, there's the little teeny weeny fact that I DON'T OWN INVADER ZIM! NOOOOOO! Don't sue me!  
On with it already!  
/  
Pyxis skipped along dispite the complaints from Dib, who, since he was at least three times shorter than her, was still dangling off her hand. Rea was running in the middle of the highway with her arms spread wide, cape flying while she swerved in front of the very few cars that there were so that they would spin out. This made her laugh. Giggling, she let GIR ride on her head while she disturbed the drivers of the city. A pile-up was slowly building behind the group.  
As for Sid and Gaz, they were getting along okay now. Instead of trying to kill Sid, Gaz actually listened to what she had to say about her. Sid was having fun complimenting and insulting Gaz back and forth for an entire half-hour.  
Sid: I like to hurt people too, ya know. (draws herself up proudly)  
Gaz: Are you trying to impress me? (looks at Sid with a sort of fury)  
Sid: If I was, I was unaware of it.  
Sid: (thinking) More like I was trying to impress myself, if that's even possible....  
Gaz: Right. (speaking up) Does anyone know where we're going?  
Pyx stopped dead at this statement. She looked around but she realized very quickly that there was no use to that because she had no idea how to navigate this place.  
Pyx: Hmmmm....  
Dib: That's what I've been trying to say to you for the last ten minutes! You missed the "exit", so to speak.  
Sid: Speak english, boi!  
Pyx: (giggle)  
Rea: Yeah! Speak english, boi!  
GIR: BOI!  
Dib: But... I wasn't speaking a different language...  
Pyx: They mean to say what you said in a manner in which idiots like them can comprehend.  
Sid: (eating a steak that she didn't have before) What?  
Dib: Okay. We missed the street that Zim lives on!  
Rea: GASP!  
Sid: (steak sauce smeared around her mouth) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
Pyx: Where did you get that?(points at steak)  
Sid: I donno, it just sort of appeared.  
Gaz: (playing her GS2 again) Why am I even hanging around you guys again?  
Pyx: (turning around to look at Gaz in puzzlement) I don't know. I think only you can answer that.  
Gaz: Hmmm, you're regrettably right.  
Dib: (looking up at Pyx) Can you let go of my arm now? You're starting to cut off the circulation in it.  
Pyx: Oh, am I? (puts Dib down on the ground and starts to smooth out the sleeves of his coat)  
Dib: What are you doing?  
Pyx: It's just such a wonderfull, amazing, intriguing, not to mention hypnotizing and magical, coat that it doesn't deserve to be wrinkled. (starts to wail with honor at being in the presence of the coat)  
Dib: (stands, staring at Pyx with a pity filled look while a puddle grows around his feet)  
Pyx: (suddenly stops her crying) Okay I'm over it.  
Gaz: Well, if we're going to get to Zim's house anytime soon, I suggest we get to it. Dib, you lead so that SOME PEOPLE (glares up at Pyx) don't make us fall behind.  
Dib: Why are you so eager to get to Zim's house all of a sudden?  
Gaz: Because, (aquires death glare at her brother, who cringes) the sooner we get to stupid Zim's house, the sooner they can return his stupid robot and the sooner they can go back to where they came from so that I can sleep soundly knowing that morons like that are no longer in my midst.  
Dib: So why don't you get rid of everyone on the planet?  
Sid, Rea and Pyx: (gasp)  
Dib: I mean, seriously if we're talking about morons like them, it just so happens that the entire Earth is teeming with them. You could have a homicidal holiday.  
Sid and Rea: (gasp)  
Pyx: Interesting thought Dib. I don't think that you're as stupid as everyone says you are.  
Rea: (gasp, then looks at Sid with annoyance) HEY! Are you relinquishing your gasping duties? 'Cause I'll cut you off, you know I will!  
Sid: (shrugs, still chewing on her steak)  
Rea: Holy evil cockroaches! First Pyx and now you!  
Pyx: By the way Sid, Why are you being so quiet? You usually never shut up.  
Dib: Oh yeah, like you can make any sort of claim to shutting up. (crosses his arms in frustration at her hypocrytical statemnet)  
Pyx: Hey! That wasn't very nice!  
Dib: Gaz insults you guys all the time, why don't you get on her case about it?!  
Pyx: Because she has the right to insult everybody alive! She's scarier than you are! You're just annoying!  
Dib: Oh and you wanna talk about being nice! Someone's a hypocrite!  
Pyx: (lowers her head in shame) I'm sorry.  
Dib: (glare softens a bit) Well I guess I am a bit annoying from time to time....  
Pyx: And I do talk alot.  
Dib: (mumbling) Sorry.  
Pyx: (mumbling) Sorry.  
Rea: (gasp)  
Pyx: (looks at Rea) what?  
Gaz: That was the lamest fight I think I've ever seen.  
Sid: (nods, STILL chewing on her steak)  
Pyx: (looks back at Dib, then shifts her eyes back and forth) This moment never happened.  
Gaz: Are we talking about THIS moment, your fight, or your make up?  
Dib and Pyx: All of it.  
Rea: Gotcha! (points at Dib and Pyx and winks)  
Sid: ( throws her steak on the ground) I can't TAKE IT ANYMORE!  
All but Sid: Huh?!  
Sid: I chew and chew and chew, and it never gets any smaller! The Horror! The Gazzy HORROR!  
Gaz: Now I'm flattered.  
Rea: CALM YOURSELF SID!  
Pyx: Your kidding right? You should have known that her spell of silence would result in her screaming her head off. IT HAPPENS EVERY TIME!  
Rea: WAIT A MINUTE!  
Dib: What is it now?  
Rea: Where's GIR?  
Gaz: You lost him? He's the whole reason we're here and you lost him?! (fire erupts from every crevice in the pavement and Gaz screams in a surrounded-by-freaks-and-there-is-no-way-out kind of way. All in all, it's a pretty scary scene)  
Pyx: There he is!  
And there he was, running as fast as his short little legs would carry him. He only ran for about two more seconds when he turned off on the street that the rest of the gang had missed. While Pyx assumed that he had gotten bored of all of their fighting and ran down to where his master lived she dragged the hysterical Sid down to where he was last seen.  
Dib: What are you doing? You... sort of returned him to where he belongs. Shouldn't you be going now?  
Pyx: I have to make sure that he gets there okay!  
Gaz: (shakes head, starts to follow Pyx and Sid) I knew I was going to regret taking a walk later today.  
Rea: (running after GIR) GIR! MY BUDDY! COOOOOOME BAAAAACK!  
Dib: Maybe I should just leave.... NO! Maybe they're insane, but they're still the only people that believe me! Maybe they'll change their mind about capturing Zim once they see him!  
Gaz: Dib, you might have realized that nobody's listening! Stop TALKING TO YOURSELF!  
Dib: (runs after the others)  
  
Okay, if Gaz wasn't listening, how did she know that Dib was talking at all? Oh well, you figure it out for yourself! I'm too tired to do all of this brainwork! You might have noticed that my little eight year old sister is quite sophisticated. I assure you, I don't know anything about it. We're both really sophisticated for our age, which doesn't make any sense because Our dad's a hillbilly, and our mom's an extreme introvert. Oh well, just another mystery to solve, though I'm not really sure I'll be able to. Pyx: Witchy Paranormal Investigator 


	4. Pyxie Might Have a Sinister Plan

when your friends write fanfictions about you  
  
By- Pyx:WPI and friend sid  
  
I have an ingenous plan to overthow Nickelodeon, but first I must establish myself as on of them. This is going to be tougher than I thought. Oh well, I just met an old friend today. She dropped out of high school before but she was bored so she came to my school with my other friend Toni. She's going to be here all the rest of the week. I think I'm going to explode from happiness bubbles now (blows up).  
Disclaimer: I think it's safe to say that I have put enough of these things in all my would-be stories to last me a lifetime. In this case, I hope no one will sue me when I have worked so hard to ensure that you all know I, though I am great, am not the great mind that brought Zim into being. That credit goes to my insomnia-ridden friend Jhonen Vasquez. /  
Pyxis ran around the corner and ran at GIR with a vengance. She only stopped when she saw what was at the end of the cul-de-sac that lay ahead.  
It was Zim's wonderful house, the odd little abode from which thick wires sprouted and attached to the houses on either side of it. Pyx's eyes grew wide with reverance and awe at the fact that she was actually there, in front of the alien's shelter and base with the little patch of grass in front of it that was cut in two by the side walk. Sid stopped screaming to stare lovingly at the giant gnomes and other unusual lawn ornaments laid out across it. Rea caught up to them only to stop and goggle as well. Dib came up behind them, panting, Gaz not far behind, still tapping on the GS2.  
Dib: Hello? What's the hold up?(sees the look on Pyx, Rea and Sid's faces) Oh, Yeah. You see, I told you he was an extraterrestrial demon! There's proof right there! How can anyone mistake that for a normal house?  
Pyx: (groping Sid's arm distractedly) Sid... Do you see? It's....  
Pyx and Sid: Zim's house!  
Dib: (disturbed by their their ecstacy) Uh... Yeah.  
Gaz: So are you going to return the little twerp or what?  
Rea: But... It's so beautiful... (wipes a tear from her eye)  
Dib: (looking down at Rea with a horrified look on his face) Beautiful?! It's hideous! It's the most discusting-  
Sid: DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT ZIM'S HOUSE LIKE THAT!  
Dib: O.O  
Pyx: Sid's RIGHT! Zim's house is a sacred icon and should be treated as such!  
Rea: Don't you be dissin'!  
Gaz: (snickers) Yeah Dib, be nice to Zim's house.  
Dib: But-  
Pyx: Shh!  
Dib: I-  
Sid: Zip it!  
Dib: How-  
Sid: I said ZIP IT mister!  
Gaz: I don't know if you've noticed but Zim's stupid robot is almost to his house. I think we should leave now.  
Pyx: Yeah, we've done all we can, let's-  
Sid: NO! I wanna say hi to Zim!  
Rea: Yeah! We didn't just come here to watch GIR just walk into Zim's base and never see any of the inside!  
Dib: (evil, conspiritory grin on his face) I agree, let's go pay Zim a visit.  
Pyx: I don't know Dib, you don't look like you've got the best of intentions...  
Gaz: Of course he doesn't, he thinks that by defeating Zim, he's saving all of humanity.  
Dib: Gaz?!  
Gaz: I can play Gameslave and listen to your insane ranting too ya know. I just don't bother to most of the time.  
Dib: Oh.  
Pyx: Okay, Gaz multitasks while Dib makes insane accusations. This'll be great information for my book about your lifestyles... (starts to write notes in a spiral notebook which appeared out of nowhere)  
Dib: I do NOT make insane accusations! He really is an alien! I thought you believed me!  
Pyx: I do! But if I wanna get this published I gotta call you crazy or people will think I'm crazy!  
Sid: But you are crazy.  
Pyx: It's best if people don't know that. See how THEY discriminate against me?! ( gestures to Dib and Gaz wildly) Rea?  
Rea: (coming from the end of the street) Hi! Can I have somma that?!  
Pyx Rea and Dib: Huh?  
Rea had made her way across the street to the sidewalk in front of Zim's house and was confronting Zim himself. Apparently, he had set up a lemonade stand that the five of them had been oblivious to at first. Pyx, suddenly looking quite frightened, shot after her off down the street. Sid streaking off behind her. Dib looked on either side of him and then, slightly concerned with what Zim was doing as well, jogged to meet them. Gaz, left behind, walked as slow as she could in the direction of her comrades.  
Pyx: (snatching Rea out of the way before she could grab the cup that Zim was handing her) Rea! Don't touch that stuff! Don't you know that Zim hates humans? He could hurt you!  
Rea: Aw, but-  
Zim: What are you talking about? I am just selling normal lemon- uh, stuff, like a normal filth-worm baby! (grinning falsely)  
Dib: ZIM!  
Zim: It's the DIB!  
GIR: (jumps out from behind Zim's stand) YAY!  
Dib: (get's in Zim's face) What are you up to?  
Zim: (snarling) If anyone has less of a right to know that valuable information, it's you!  
Rea: Pyx! I'm thirsty!  
Sid: Let her have some lemonaide, Pyx.  
Pyx: But what if Zim-  
Zim: You have NOT been listening to this pathetic excuse for an organism (points to Dib)!  
Pyx: We don't need to! We can get our own clues!  
Dib: You call ME pathetic?! What about all of your stupid plans? Huh? Huh?  
Sid: Let's get you guys strait, shall we? Dib's annoying (points to Dib) and Zim's a moron (points to Zim)  
Dib: You-  
Zim: I am ZIM! ZIM is not a moron! You dare to insult me?! ME?!  
GIR: You like my new hat? (is wearing the pitcher from the stand on his head, lemonaide pouring off the sides of his head)  
Zim: GI-IR! You have ruined my attempt to be normal with your incessant insanity!  
Pyx: Wait, you weren't trying to poisen the humans with your lemonaide of doom?  
Zim: Filthy monkey filth! Why- wait, interesting prospect! I may just have use for you! (points at Pyx and grins wickedly)  
Pyx: Yeah right... (laughs hysterically)  
Dib: You were just trying to look normal?  
Zim: That's none of your business!  
Sid: Rea, slap your sister.  
Rea: (does just that)  
Pyx: Thanks.  
Gaz: Zim, gimme some lemonaide.  
Zim: That's two monies.  
Pyx: (pulls Dib aside while Zim's distracted) Hey Dib, Zim doesn't know much about the human race, does he?  
Dib: I'd have to say he knows close to nothing.  
Pyx: Good, I have an idea, just play along alright?  
Dib: (eyes sparkling with anticipation) Alright!  
Pyx: Rea, go with GIR into Zim's house and play!  
Rea and GIR: OKAY! (run into the house)  
Zim: NO! I will not allow it! A human in my base?! The very idea is-  
Sid: Cool it, space boy!  
Zim: Cool it...?  
Pyx: Hey Zim, I brought your robot to you and kept him from destroying your plans for world conquest and I would like a favor back...  
  
Well hey, wadooya know? I can do cliffhangers too! Well, be sure to come back next time to see Pyx's big plan played out! All I can tell you about the next chapter is that I'm going to have to change the rating for, uhm... some... reasons. Well, (coughs) see ya! Pyx: Witchy Paranormal Investigator 


	5. The Zim Fangirls Go Wild With Rage!

when your friends write fanfictions about you  
  
By- Pyx:WPI and friend sid  
  
After my last chapter, I was able to read my reviews. Thanks to those who liked it very much and want me to continue (Love Ya CyborgSmeet!), but I have something to say to my uhm... less than happy reviewer:  
Dear Anonomous,  
I'm very sorry if I have offended you in any way, shape or form, but I hardly think that you need be so harsh about my self insertion. They may be very vile or wrong to you, but I assure you that they happen all the time here at FF.Net and they get reviewed very highly indeed. If you don't like them either get used to it, for I find some by other authors very delightful.  
The fact that you don't like my story was not the thing that upset me though, it was the fact that you told me to take my story somewhere else or " don't post it here...". I'd like to tell you that you ordering me to do that is a violation of my personal right to freedom of speech. I can and will post whatever I please on this site, and there is nothing you can do about that.  
Once again, sorry for making you so uncomfortable.  
Pyx:WPI  
P.S.: I think it very cowardly to be posting your review anonomously for something that you obviously feel stongly about.  
Disclaimer: Witty remarks fail me today, so, under lack of such, I'll just have to say; I don't own Invader ZIM and Co., J.C.V. is the only one with the right to claim that. Thank you. /  
Zim: (looking indignant) You dare ask the mighty ZIM for a favor?! Zim does not grant humans favors!  
Dib: Surely even in irken society there is such a thing as common curtesy?  
Gaz, Pyx and Sid: (stare at Dib)  
Pyx: *Ahem* Come on! I would really appreciate you doing this for me. (smiles innocently)  
Gaz: (wispering to Sid) Where's she going with this?  
Sid: (wispering back) I don't know, but it's going to be difficult for her to pull it off, look at Zim...  
Zim: (crossing his arms and turning his face skyward) I refuse to grant stupid human requests! This shows nothing in my favor!  
Pyx: (getting annoyed) Of course it doesn't! Your doing something nice for me because I did the same for you! It's a fair exchange!  
Zim: Fair exchange means nothing to me! I do not wish to do any sort of deed for you so that we might be " even".  
Dib: Why not?  
Zim: Because, Filth Worm of Filthy Filth-  
Dib: (stares)  
Zim: I am always above the ways of humans, I'm much better evolved and far more advanced than you and I have no time for such nonsense as " common curtesy"  
Pyx: (light bulb lighting up above her head as she watches Dib)  
Dib: How far you are along an evolutionary chain doesn't seem to have an effect on how your brain is an incredible peice of-  
Pyx: Zim! I'll make a deal with you!  
Zim: Eh?!  
Pyx: If you deliver a message for me, I'll keep Dib away from your base for an entire week!  
Dib and Zim: WHAT?!  
Pyx: (ignoring Dib's spluttering protests) That's right Zim! an entire week of being able to work on your evil plans of planetary destruction without interruption.  
Dib: But... But-  
Zim: Hmmmmm... Seems like a fair deal...  
Gaz: What happened to your objection to fair exchange?  
Zim: Be quiet! I'll deliver your message. (shakes hands with Pyx)  
Pyx: Wonderful! Now Here's what you have to do... (she points down the sidewalk to the intersection before the cul-de-sac and wispers something where Zim's ear should be)  
Dib: (arms crossed and looking pissed) This better be good....  
Sid: Knowing Pyx, it'll be well worth what she traded for it.  
Gaz: You're sure?  
Sid: If I wasn't, would I be talking at all?  
Dib: I wouldn't put it past you.  
Sid: Pipe down, monkey boy!  
Dib: Monkey Boy?!  
Sid: That's right, I know all about the incident with a certain robot counterpart that you thought was a future you.  
Dib: How- How-  
Sid: Let's just say I pay attention...  
Zim: (looking at the intersection uncertainly) I don't see anyone over there...  
Pyx: (smiling a sly little smile) Trust me, he's hiding, but you don't have to worry about where he is, all you have to worry about is making sure he hears my message, that's why you have to yell very loud and clear.  
Zim: (shrugs) I don't suppose you could tell me what it means?  
Pyx: It's a code, that's all I can tell you.  
Zim: (sighs) ooooookay....  
As Zim walks up the street Pyx's smile gets wider and wider until she cannot hold in her snickers of prank-playing glory in any longer. The rest of the crew look at Pyx with curiosity, Dib curiosity mixed with hate. When Zim reaches the corner, he yells with all his might a word that no one ever thought they'd hear him say.  
Zim: PENIS!  
Sid: Holy- (starts laughing)  
Pyx: (uncontrollable laughter)  
Gaz: heh....  
Dib: That's- That's just undignified....  
Gaz: Your new friends are sick, Dib.  
Dib: Well put Gaz. But it's Zim, so this situation could also be riddled with backmail oppurtunities... (rubs hands together in evil scientist way)  
Pyx: (gasps for breath) Sorry, I got the idea from Toni and Jake and I just couldn't resist. I am so evil...  
Dib: Who's Toni and Jake?  
Sid: Friends of ours.  
Gaz: Well YOUR friends are sick then.  
Sid: Yes, yes they are.  
Dib: Well, I guess that was kinda funny, given the fact that Zim didn't know what he was yelling. And I have to thank you for giving me the opputunity to fill Zim's existance with painful memories of embarrassment...  
Zim: (meets back up with all of them) Okay, I'm done.  
Dib: (bursts out laughing)  
Zim: What's so funny?  
Pyx: I think it's only fair that I tell you what you just said...  
Gaz: You bet it is.  
Sid: Toni never had this much trouble....  
Dib: (gasps) What about Jake?  
Sid: He was scarred for life.  
Dib: (doubles over in laughter again at the thought of Zim being in this condition)  
Pyx: Zim, a penis is an external human male sexual reproductive organ.  
Sid: It als0 functions as a urethra.  
Zim: Oh. (starts walking back to his base)  
Dib: (stops laughing suddenly) Does he even understand what you said?  
Zim: (turns around) Why wouldn't I understand?  
Gaz: The mention of reproductive organs in our society is supposed to be a... um, subject that brings up much halarity.  
Zim: THAT I do not understand.  
Dib: If anyone on the street would have heard you, then you probably would.  
Pyx: What is an Irken's stance on the subject then?  
Zim: Sexual reproduction is a normal and completely acceptable source of pleasure and.. reproduction. I don't see why just the mention of it has to be a subject of amusement for you but, then, you humans are very inferior and have tiny, tiny brains. Not to mention that I am much more mature than any of you. (turns back to his base and yells over his shoulder) Get your stinky companion out of my base now!  
Pyx and Sid: (look at each other and shrug) okay!  
Pyx and Sid shoved Zim aside to get into his base before he could object to them going into it. Dib's shoulders slumped and he muttered something about " so much for blackmail..." and Gaz got bored and started to play Gameslave once again. Soon, Pyx and Sid were back outdoors holding Rea's small hands. GIR followed them out the door before Zim could call out to him.  
Zim: (head sticking out the door) GIR, get back in here! I require your assistance!  
GIR: I wish I had a kandy kane....  
Zim: GIR! Are you listening to me?  
GIR: Maaaaaaaaaaaaybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....  
Zim: I order you to assist me!  
Sid: You need to loosen up ZIM!  
Pyx: Yeah! Come with us and we'll go to a party!  
Zim: Nonsense! I have much work to do!  
Gaz: Yeah, you can say that again.  
Rea: Come with us Master Zim!  
Zim: (crease between eyes dissapears as he blinks at Rea) I'm not your master yet, stink-child.  
Dib: You'll never be her master Zim!  
Zim: I beg to differ, DIB!  
Dib: Oh yeah? Go ahead, give me a reason to stop you... again!  
Zim: I don't have time for this.... ( moves to turn around)  
Pyx: Come on Zim! Sid, Rea and I would love to have your company!  
Sid: Yeah, if Gaz and Dib don't like it, they can leave!  
Rea: Tru dat!  
Zim: Well....  
  
That's the end of that chapter! This is the last chapter I'm writing before Chistmas because I'm literally exausted from celebrating the Winter Solstice you know. I think I'll go take a long nap after this cuz I gotta open presents tomorrow. I didn't ask for anything this year and still (wouldn't ya know it?) there's about seven presents under my tree for me. I think my parents just like spending money..... Oh well! Pyx: Witchy Paranormal Investigator 


	6. It's The Dib Fangirls' Turn

When Your Friends Write Fanfictions About You  
  
By: PyxWPI and friend Sid  
  
All right, I was having problems with my computer and internet, neither were letting me onto FF.Net, so sorry for not updating. By the way, I do believe I had forgotten to wish you all happy holidays before I ended my last chapter, so in pure apology, I do hope you did have a wonderful holiday season!  
  
Disclaimer: Oh, Cruel Fate! Why must you torment me so!? Why was I not the great mind that spawned the brilliance that is Invader ZIM? Oh, woe is me!  
  
Pitiful though I am, I will give you the next best thing I can to Invader ZIM, which of course is nothing even close to it, but it's still funny. Pull that curtain, Ralph!  
  
/  
  
Zim was now tied to a fancy embellished chair in a dark café. The place smelled of mold and it looked like it didn't get many customers. There was soft elevator music playing from some excluded corner of the shop, but that didn't mean it didn't get a little too quiet when someone started to talk. Nobody wanted to say a word in fear that the walls had ears. It wasn't exactly a party like the three girls had promised, but at least they had something to do. They sipped cold cocoa and glanced around nervously every once in awhile as if paranoid someone might try to steal into their minds.  
  
Dib: (looking at the wooden table in disgust) This place creeps me out. Looks like a spy joint in a secluded totalitarian country.  
  
Rea: Huh?  
  
Dib: Saw it in a movie once. A movie, I might add, that Gaz MADE me watch.  
  
Gaz: (sipping from her mug) Hey, you liked it, much to my dismay.  
  
Pyx: Would you rather have gone to the place across the street?  
  
Sid: Everything there is pink and frilly, and they play Brittany Spears songs day and night!  
  
Pyx: No wonder they're going out of business.  
  
Zim: Since none of you filthies are having any "fun", I suggest that we depart this hideous place. And untie me!  
  
Sid: I tied you to the chair for a reason Zim! I told you we wanted your company, and just because you don't like this place does not mean you are going to ditch us!  
  
Dib: Do you ever shut up, Zim?!  
  
Pyx: (whispering to Dib) Actually, I was amazed he made it this far without talking. It's been fifteen minutes.  
  
Zim: (ignores them) I came with you willingly and accompanied you through the human streets, not to mention I didn't destroy you when you practically kidnapped me! This is what I get when I try to befriend humans!  
  
Gaz: No, that's what you get for being the moron that you are.  
  
Zim: You bag of useless dirt! When I am free-  
  
Dib: Hey! Don't talk to my sister like that, alien monster!  
  
Pyx: HEY! Hang on you guys! Gaz, would you stop with the insults?  
  
Gaz: Somebody has to bring it to his attention that he's an idiot.  
  
Pyx: That's not true. Zim, if you stop threatening everyone, I'll let you go.  
  
Zim: If you let me go I promise no harm will come to you. (large fake grin spreads across his face)  
  
Pyx: Promise?  
  
Zim: I give you my word as an Invader!  
  
Dib: (sarcastically) Well, that's promising...  
  
Pyx: Untie him Sid.  
  
Dib: No! Don't do it! He's got an evil plan to destroy us, I know it!  
  
Gaz: I wish you would shut up Dib.  
  
Sid: Me too.  
  
All of a sudden, Dib was completely muted. He mouthed angry things at Gaz and Sid, but nothing came out. He felt around his throat for the cause of the problem (swollen glands perhaps?) while everyone stared at him. He tried to mouth a message to any of them but it was no use, the gift of speech had been taken from him.  
  
Pyx: I wish Dib could talk again.  
  
Dib: - and I suppose that was some sort of trick of yours.. Oh.  
  
Pyx and Sid: (look at each other, wide-eyed) Wooooooooooow...  
  
Rea: Kool. (continues sipping cocoa)  
  
Gaz: Is there a reason why you're in awe?  
  
Sid: We made Dib a mute!  
  
Pyx: YOU made Dib a mute. I brought him back.  
  
Gaz: He was faking it.  
  
Dib: No I wasn't!  
  
Sid: How did we do that?  
  
Pyx: It's like being shareholder in a company.  
  
All but Pyx: HUH?!?!  
  
Pyx: Think about it. When you're a shareholder in a company, you contribute to it and partly own it. This is the same situation! We invested so much time and energy into the show that we partly own it! We can do whatever we please with it!  
  
Zim: What show? What are you humans babbling noisily about now?  
  
Dib: For once, I have to agree. They've been speaking nonsense since they came here.  
  
Gaz: Now you know how I feel when you start talking, Dib. And I told you guys that he was faking. Probably trying to do something as foolish as make you feel special.  
  
Sid: Oh yeah? Well, there's only one way to find out, isn't there?  
  
Pyx: I gotcha. I WISH GIR WOULD BECOME A WEDGE OF CHEESE!  
  
GIR: (once riding on a chef's head and screaming "RIDE THE COW!" is now lying on the floor of the kitchen, a wedge of cheese)  
  
Pyx: Come on! I have to see if it worked! (jumps out of her chair and runs toward the kitchen)  
  
Sid: Wait for me! (follows suit)  
  
Dib, Gaz and Rea: (grumble, Gaz leads the way back to the kitchen)  
  
Zim: HEY! Hey, hey! What about Zim? Let me go! Revenge will be mine! It will be sweet. (leans over so that back legs of chair leave the floor and he's able to stand, then shuffles over to the kitchen)  
  
Sid: Look! (points to wedge of cheese on the floor)  
  
Pyx: (stops passing chef) Excuse me sir, but was that cheese a crazy little robot a moment ago?  
  
Chef: Uuuuuhhh.. (looks closely at cheese, squinting) Yeeeeeaaaah... Uh. mmmhmmm.  
  
Pyx: Fantabulous!  
  
Gaz: A wedge of cheese proves your point?  
  
Zim: (shuffles in)  
  
Dib: Yeah, that doesn't prove anything. Just because that guy says that (points to cheese) used to be GIR, it's not necessarily true. I mean, he looked delusional anyway.  
  
Zim: This human says THAT is GIR?  
  
Rea: That's what she's claimin', yeah.  
  
Zim: Ha! Idiotic stink! That looks nothing like GIR!  
  
GIR (as wedge of cheese): Master! I can't move! I wanna eat myself!  
  
Zim: Not now GIR. If I were to believe for one millisecond that- waitaminute!  
  
Rea: GIR! It's you! (picks up GIR and hugs him)  
  
Dib: That's disturbing. The cheese is talking to us.  
  
Gaz: I'm surprised that I don't hear you say that everyday.  
  
GIR: (tip of cheese opens like a big beak and GIR's voice comes out) I wish I still had arms!  
  
Zim: (turns to Pyx accusingly) You've ruined my robot slave!  
  
Dib: Hold on! We still don't have any proof that Pyx did this! It could've been anything else! It could've been that crazy chef! He looked sinister in some way.  
  
Pyx: Still don't believe huh? Alright.  
  
Dib: Wha-?  
  
Pyx: I wish Dib was wearing a big pink frilly dress!  
  
Dib: (looks down; is wearing a dress such as the one Pyx described) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Gaz: Oh, the pricelessness of it all, heh. (leans up against the wall, dwelling on the serious blackmail opportunities)  
  
Rea: Awww, Dib, you're sooooooo pretty!  
  
GIR: I could KISS 'IM!  
  
Zim: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! The Dib wearing female garments!  
  
Pyx: Kodak Moment. (giggles)  
  
Sid: (nods)  
  
Pyx: Believe me now?  
  
Dib: (hiding behind a large trash bin full of meat) ALRIGHT! JUST PUT ME BACK IN MY OWN CLOTHES! PLEEEEEEEASE!  
  
Sid: Oh, I'll put you in some clothes.. (grins and then squints and strains her brain, wishes with all her might.)  
  
Dib: SOME CLOTHES????? (steps out from behind trash can and is now wearing nothing but black boxers, he's too mad to be embarrassed)  
  
Sid: That one was for you Pyx!  
  
Pyx: You really are my best friend Sid! (wolf-whistles)  
  
Dib: (blushes but stands his ground) GIMME BACK MY PANTS!  
  
Gaz: (sniggering) That sounded oddly like a threat, Pyx.  
  
Zim: THAT is what you humans wear for undergarments?  
  
Dib: Shut up, Zim! I'm warning you guys, give me my clothes! It's cold in here! (starts shivering)  
  
GIR: The Dib is cold! He's a freezer! He's turnin' blue!  
  
Rea: Blue like my JEEP!  
  
Sid: That's Pyx's Jeep!  
  
Pyx: My jeep's white.(thinks really hard, wishing with all her soul.)  
  
Dib: Thank you. (back in regular clothes)  
  
Pyx: No, thank YOU, Dib. (winks)  
  
Dib: (blushing)  
  
Gaz: There is no way you actually enjoyed that, Pyx.  
  
Pyx: Hey, I can't lie. Your brother's hott.  
  
Dib: (face is now the color of a fire engine and getting redder still)  
  
Sid: (points at Dib, laughs) Look at him blush! He's flattered, you can tell!  
  
Dib: I am NOT flattered! (brick-wall-red) Pyx is an insane girl. Just because she compliments me doesn't mean I like her! I still think she's evil!  
  
Pyx: I'm- I'm. You think I'm evil? (tears well up in her eyes)  
  
Rea: Oh, you done it now Dib. (backs away from Pyx)  
  
Zim: Excellent Dib! Make the worm-creature grovel for your forgiveness!  
  
Gaz: (sarcastically) Good job, Dib.  
  
Dib: Well, not that evil.  
  
Pyx: (tears run down her face)  
  
Dib: Oh, come on.  
  
Pyx: (starts to sob)  
  
Dib: Well, you did do some pretty awful stuff to us.  
  
Pyx: (starts to wail)  
  
Dib: I didn't mean it to be that bad!  
  
Pyx: (runs out of café, crying)  
  
Dib: (starts running after her) Who knew that someone who plays practical jokes nonstop could be so sensitive! Pyx! Come back!  
  
Zim: That poor freakishly demented human. He would have had a better chance at making the female his slave if he had taken my advice.  
  
Gaz: What kind of slave?  
  
Zim: What other kind of slave is there that does your bidding and obeys you every whim?  
  
Sid: There's GIR.  
  
GIR: I used to have a sock! Where's my sock?!  
  
Rea: I. don't. Know.  
  
Zim: Yeeeaaah.  
  
Sid: I think we should go after them don't cha think?  
  
Rea: Mmmhmmm. (starts walking out of the café with GIR)  
  
Chef: HEY! You have to PAY for that cheese!  
  
Zim: That CHEESE is my robot slave!  
  
Chef: The cheese belongs to me green-boy, and unless you've got some money, you're not going anywhere with it!  
  
Sid: Oh yeah?  
  
Chef: YEAH!  
  
Rea: OH YEAH?!  
  
Chef: YEAH!  
  
GIR: OH YEAH?!  
  
Chef: Ye- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! TALKING CHEESE! MOMMY!  
  
Rea: Good job, GIR.  
  
Zim: Yes, very good indeed. Now, I suggest that we find your "Pyx" so that you may go home and never bother me again!  
  
Sid: No way we're going home now, Zim! We just found out that we have magical author powers in this world! We're not about to go back to our NORMAL lives! Say hello to your new shadow, BUG-boy!  
  
Zim: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..  
  
Well, that's it for this chapter people! See ya next time! Pyx: Witchy Paranormal Investigator 


	7. Trial Time!

When Your Friends Write Fanfictions About You  
  
By: PyxWPI and friend Sid  
  
Hey everyone, I'm baaa-aack! I've been extremely busy and haven't been able to update, but I know how to cheer you up! You ready for this? I present to you, my new co-writer- Allison!  
Allison: It's me!  
Since I needed more help than just Sid, I had to include a third party, so you guys can get your updates faster! Innit just peachy-great?  
(Lone person cheers)  
Now I know how Purple feels... (looks royally pissed off)  
Sid: (bursts out of a secret passage) ON WIT DA FIC!  
(crowd cheers enthusiastically)  
I hate you.  
Disclaimer: My co-writers don't own Invader ZIM, but I do!  
Random Person: LIER!  
Pyx:WPI: Random Person? What are you doing here?  
Random Person: I was stolen from my home by the FBI 10 years ago and ended up working for them! I get paid alot... But that's not the point! I'm here to place you under arrest for copyright infringement!  
Pyx:WPI: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
Random Person: That's right! And-  
Pyx:WPI: I don't own Invader ZIM, I don't own Invader ZIM! I don't, I don't!  
Random Person: (holds finger in his ear and mumbles an affirmitive) Okay, never mind. The charges filed against you by Jhonen have been dropped.  
Pyx:WPI: YES! (punches air triumphantly)  
Random Person: But there is still that matter of you tataling my car a few years ago...  
Pyx:WPI: Crap.  
/  
Having finally caught up with Pyx and apologized for his flagrant disregard for her feelings (you can tell this is me talking right?) he suggested to everyone else that they go to his house. He really hoped that they would stay there and avoid any more public obscenities while they figured out how to get back to their own world. So, the odd little group made it back to Dib and Gaz's house for refreshments and such. It was a little later that we find them at this scene...  
Dib: ZIM! Knock it off!  
Zim: Just a second, human. I'm adjusting the pieces.  
Dib: Why is that nessessary? It's not a big deal that my pieces aren't facing foreward.  
Zim: Not a big deal?! If you had any dignity residing in your enormous head-  
Dib: My head's not big!  
Zim: -you will have your peices face thier doom at the hands of the mighty ZIM like true soldiers!  
Dib: (looking thouroughly irritated) But they're not true soldiers, they're just plast-  
Zim: AHA! So you admit to the fact that your armies are untrained and unfit to walk the battlefield?  
Dib: It's just a game Zim! It's called chess! We're not really at war and we're not really fighting a battle!  
Zim: FINE! Move then! And don't make me bring doom upon you!  
Dib: (moves pawn foreward) Okay.  
Zim: Foolish Monkey-like organism!  
Pyx: (watching board intently) Ooooh! That's a new one!  
Zim: (glares at Pyx) I can take your queen with this bishop now!  
Dib: (points to his queen) This queen?  
Zim: Yes.  
Dib: This queen right here? (picks up queen)  
Zim: YES!  
Dib: (licks queen then sets it back on the board) Your move.  
Zim: (cringes in discust and falls out of his chair)  
Pyx: Now Dib, that wasn't very nice! You know Zim's germaphobic!  
Gaz: This is the first time in my life that I don't regret being related to you.  
Zim: (pops up from under the table) That's it Dib! You forfiet!  
Dib: What do you mean, " You forfeit"?  
Zim: You're not allowed to lick the queen!  
Dib: She's my queen! I can do what ever I please with her! It's my stratedgy! I lick my queen so you don't touch her!  
Sid: That sounded wrong on so many levels...  
Zim: It's an unwritten rule! You can't lick the queen! You can't touch any of the peices now, so you forfeit!  
Dib: Oh, I can't touch any of the peices? What about you Mr. I-Will- Make-Your-Peices-Face-Their-Doom-At-The-Hands-Of-Zim?  
Zim: The MIGHTY Zim!  
Dib: You've been sexually harrassing every peice on this board!  
Zim: You dare accuse ME of such dishonorable behavior?!  
Dib: You bet I do!  
Rea: *Trial Time*  
Zim: Wha-  
Sid runs from the room and beckons for all of them to follow. They comply, Dib, Zim, and Gaz all feeling very confused. They walk into a makeshift courtroom made from Dib's work desk, a fold-up up chair beside it for the witness stand, two dining room shairs facing the desk, the one meant for Zim with a sign taped to the back saying "defendant", and several mismatched chairs behind those. Rea sits behind Dib's desk and Gaz promptly sits down in a lawn chair behind Zim.  
Dib: Gaz! You're my sister! You're supposed to be on my side!  
Gaz: Who says? Hopefully you'll go to prison for being an annoying little-  
Sid: All rise for the honorable Judge Rea!  
All- Save Dib: (stands)  
Pyx: (is standing beside Dib. Kicks Dib's shins)  
Dib: (yelps, jumps out of seat)  
Rea: You may sit.  
All: (sit, Dib rubs his knees and glares at Pyx)  
Rea: Zim the Irken, you have been charged with one count of sexual assult, two counts of ressisting arrest-  
Zim: Ressisting arrest?!  
Rea: One count of talking out of turn!  
Zim: O_O!~  
Dib: (laughs)  
Rea: Please be silent Mr. Dib, or I'll hold you in contempt!  
Dib: (raises eyebrow) but you're not a real judge, you're just-  
Rea: You question my authority?!  
Dib: As a matter of fact-  
Rea: Bailiff! Remove him from my courtroom!  
All: (look around in anticipation-nothing happens)  
Sid: Uhhhh... Your Honor? We don't have a bailiff.  
Rea: Okay... Never mind. Zim, Have you hired an attorney?  
Zim: Huh?!  
Rea: I said, have you hired an attorney?  
Zim: Huh?!  
Rea: I'll take that as a "no."  
Zim: HUH?!  
Rea: Pyxis Cultak! You will be Zim's attorney!  
Pyx: Aaaaaaallrightythen! (appears over next to Zim and is suddenly in a lawyer's suit and her hair is up in a bun) Cool.  
Rea: Dib, you will be represented by...  
Sid: ME!  
Dib: What?! Why her?!  
Rea: She was the only one left.  
Zim: (laughs hysterically at Dib's misfortune)  
Rea: Silence!  
Zim: (keeps laughing)  
Pyx: (smacks Zim upside the head)  
Zim: (rubs the back of his head)  
Pyx: (smiles)  
Rea: Alright, if we are ready to begin... (shuffles stack of papers)  
Dib: What are those? (points to thick stack of papers in Rea's hands) Evidence against Zim?  
Rea: Nope. It's my daily dose of fanfiction.  
Pyx: Hmmm... a fanfiction within a fanfiction! Genre?  
Rea: Humor.  
Pyx: Humor rocks the Earth, unlike some OTHER planets I know.  
Zim: heh, heh.  
GIR: (frolicks into the room with a bouque) Hi MASTER!  
Zim: uhhh....  
GIR: (gives bouque to Zim, frolicks out)  
Zim: (looks at bouque, which wilts)  
Pyx: Man, does GIR come in at odd times in this FF.  
Sid: You know it.  
Rea: Now, back to it! Opening statements!  
Pyx: Ooh! Ooh! Me first! Me first! (jumps up and down)  
Rea: Sid, you'd better let her go first, she might wet herself if she doesn't.  
Sid: (nods)  
Pyx: First of all, (walks over to a pen full of a dozen clucking chickens) I'd like to welcome the jury to Rea's courtroom! She's a bad judge, but I'm a good lawyer!  
Sid: Objection! She's trying to sway the jury to her advantadge! Personal oppinion!  
Dib: That's right!  
Rea: Sustained. Pyx, please state your point.  
Pyx: Presently, Your Honor. As I was saying, Hens and Cocks of the jury, before you leave to courtroom today, I mean to say when we set you free into the streets of the city and start the five year chickeny revolution-  
Rea: Ahem! Point, Miss Cultak!  
Pyx: Right. I will have proved my client's innocence beyond any reasonable doubt and also proved that Dib (points to Dib) is actually the guilty one!  
Chickens: *cluck, cluck, buckaw!*  
Dib: Hey!  
Pyx: Sorry Dib! You're my bestest frind in reality.  
Dib: You've got an interesting way of showing it!  
Pyx: (pouts at her dammaged friendship with Dib, if that friendship ever existed in the first place)  
Sid: (pushes Pyx away) Hens and Cocks of the jury! I defy my best friend and reverse her opening statements to fit my own. I think you'll find Dib to be in the right here and I beg you to do the right thing! Put this green monster-boy behind bars! (muttering) sexually harrassing innocent chess peices...  
Pyx: Objection! You say I'm trying to sway the jury?! Where is the evidence of this sexual assult?!  
Rea: Sustained. Sid, please wait until the evidence has been presented. Pyx, call your first witness!  
Pyx: Very well. I call ZIM to the stand!  
Zim: (walks up to the chair beside Dib's desk and sits) Now what?  
Rea: Should we swear him in?  
Pyx: I don't see the point. Number one, we don't have a Bible, number two, Zim doesn't know what a Bible is, and number three, he's just gonna lie anyway.  
Rea: Okay, begin the questioning.  
Pyx: (paces in front of the "witness stand") Zim, where were you between 10:15 and 10:30 this morning?  
Zim: I was playing the discusting human game chess with the discusting human Dib.  
Hours pass. Examination and cross-examination is performed. Evidence is presented. All of the nessessary things are done but No one is getting anything out of it. The case is going absolutely nowhere. Finally, The honorable Judge Rea has had enough, not to mention, half of the people present are half-asleep.  
Rea: ENOUGH! You're both guilty!  
Zim and Dib: WHAT?!  
Rea: Your sentance is being forced to watch Brittany Spears music videos for 18 hours and to... do it upside down!  
Zim: Upside down?!  
Dib: For 18 hours?!  
Zim and Dib: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (are dragged from the room to serve their sentance)  
(Fade out)  
Pyx's voice: Message to this story? Never play chess with Invader Zim. Or poker for that matter. I don't know how he got so good at gambling, but I already lost a wristwatch and five bucks to that little Irken!  
Zim's voice: What do you mean LITTLE?!  
Pyx: (screams)  
  
To be continued. Aren't ya excited? Oh well, I think that I'll start connecting Harry Potter to this story as soon as the next chapter comes along. Thsi has been an incredibly weird story so far and I wanna make it even more insane! Pyx: Witchy Paranormal Investigator 


End file.
